Wonderland
by Talon of soaring Eagle
Summary: Roy was sitting at his desk. The clock ticking and ticking a rhythm that made his ears ache. His hand was moving in a repetitive motion that blurred in front of his weary eyes, glance, sign, shuffle, glance, sign, shuffle... ...-BANG! The door burst open to accommodate a very special someone and his lips twitched in a smirk. Finally some entertainment!


**A/n: **Heyy! :D So I just randomly thought this up... Without further ado, I present to you a tinge of inception and what goes on in Roy's subconscious!

**Warnings: **Some false information on a fluffy couple getting it on! Oh yeah also Ed's language.

**Disclaimer: **I is not own Fullmetal Alchemist :DD

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Wonderland

* * *

"On a scale of one to _go fuck yourself_, how cute do you think I'm being right now?"

"Adorable, now scram, I have work to do,"

Ed scowled and crossed his arms, that close to hopping over the safety barrier (desk) and socking Mustang in the jaw. "I'm serious! If you don't believe me go see for yourself!"

"You want me to believe that there are two rabbits outside, doing the nasty?" He inquired, lips twitching into that special smirk (he tried it in the mirror before, not like it would ever be confessed, but then came to the conclusion that it was exclusive only to Roy Mustang).

A high keening sound released itself from Ed's throat as the boy looked outside in despair. "Just scare them off already! Aren't you like a massive cock block? Because I am not touching them!" Ed massively hoped that he was flustered enough to hide his glee.

Roy's smirk instantly turned into a scowl at the second line, "Okay fine I'll look at your rabbits, if I find out that you're tricking me..." He let his voice trail off menacingly as Ed sat himself down on the couch with a breathy "thank god!" The colonel stood up, sighing at the pile of paperwork and walking outside the door.

Ed giggled evilly and dove towards his chair, the one that was always behind the desk, and clapped,"Hahaha! This'll be hilarious!"

* * *

Roy glowered as he marched bank into HQ. A certain little blonde was going to get a flaming from him, a very literal one. He sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes and ruffling his bangs (a female secretary swooned to his right), how did Hughes deal with children? Granted that his 'darling Elysia' was a complete angel (heck if half the things he said about her were true the Christian religion would have found themselves a new savior) but he had to have a few tips on discipline!

Caught in the web of his thoughts, Roy didn't notice the man barreling down the corridor, screaming his head off until it was too late.

"Oomph!"

"Ack!"

A moment later he found himself pinned under a very freaked out Breda who was instantly scrambling to his feet and taking of down the rest of the corridor. "It's out for my blood!" Roy stared after his retreating back, wondering what in the world just occurred. Shrugging it off he continued to his office, before a sight stopped him.

More like froze him straight in his tracks. Black Hayate barked happily at him before bounding forward and licking him on the face. Yes on the face. The little dog was now ten times his usual size, taller then Roy himself, ears brushing the ceiling while his haunches swept the walls, tail beating a steady thump thump thump. He dove past Roy, giving another thundering 'ruff!' before the bewildered colonel was crushed against the wall, the breath being knocked out of him for the second time that day.

He wheezed miserably as he collapsed, trying to get the taste of sweaty dog out of his mouth before a shadow loomed over him.

"What do you think you're doing down there sir?" Roy's breath caught as he rolled onto his back. It was Riza Hawkeye. A very sexy looking Riza Hawkeye in a miniskirt. He furiously rubbed at his eyes but when he opened them she was still standing over him (ooh la la) face stern and very _very_ sexy looking. Suddenly Roy felt like he really needed to pee.

"Hey lieutenant," he purred, feeling a light blush coming on. She just sighed exaggeratedly and nodded towards his office door.

"Edward is calling for you." Then she continued after Black Hayate, the colonel helplessly staring after her, more specifically her legs. Thankfully he realized that she still had a gun. Roy grinned and swiped the drool from the corner of his mouth, standing up to open the door.

And get bowled over by a ton of kittens.

"Wha- hey!" He yelped as they swarmed him with adorableness,"What is going on?!"

"Hey colonel," a smug voice called from somewhere above him. Roy glared at the blond alchemist crouching on Havoc's desk, the rest of his command nowhere to be seen.

"Fullmetal," he grunted, pushing a fluffy grey fur ball off his chest and sitting up (why was this happening to him?) suddenly Roy's eyes widened, it was a dream. It had to be! Giant dogs, Riza in a skirt and now this. Alphonse was crouched in a corner of the room, gigging madly, armor practically radiating happiness.

Roy glanced outside the window where a giant turkey was prancing about the parade square, Havoc laughing at a panicking Fuery strapped to its back. Yep, definitely a dream. Ed hopped from his perch, a white rabbit with a state alchemist watch taking his place, and grinned at him, looking almost maniacal.

"Wake up colonel," he snickered, golden eyes shining with devilish amusement,"I got something to tell you."

Roy blinked, remembering Hawkeye was just down the corridor(maybe if he was quick enough),"But I-"

"No time!" Ed barked gleefully, grabbing him by the collar,"Wake up!"

And he woke-

-up. Roy shot up from his desk, eyes wide and chest heaving. He took a moment to calm down before grumbling and pulling the paper from his cheek, wincing as it tried its best to pull his face off with it. Just as he picked up the pen and continued with the signing Riza opened the door, narrowing her eyes at him. Roy carelessly grinned at her with a wave and she gave a nod of approval before shutting the door. The colonel sighed,"Never thought that I'd ever be grateful for that midget waking me up..."

Footsteps stomped towards his office, clonk, thump, clonk, thump. Roy smirked, speak of the devil.

* * *

BANG! The door slammed open and in went a very harassed looking Ed,"Colonel! There're two rabbits-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Mustang almost yelped, cutting him off and very effectively stunning him. The man stood up,"I'm going for a bathroom break or else I'm going to go insane!" He muttered as he brushed past Ed, taking wobbly strides to the exit, shaky like he had just woken up.

Ed watched the door close behind the colonel for a moment longer before shrugging. "Makes my job easier I guess," he grinned, shutting the door before eyeing Mustang's chair evilly,"Heh heh! This is gonna be hilarious!"

* * *

**A/n: **Oh mah gawd the inception sort-of! Yeah I really don't know what was going on half the time... Extra scene!: Roy growled as he strode back into the office. With a weary sigh he sank into his favorite chair, the one that never failed him when he really needed a seat and-"GAH! What the hell?!"

Hah! Poor Roy-Boy! Oh well, he should have checked for traps after leaving Ed alone in his room, tsk tsk! Revew? :3 I promise I won't set fire to your couch! Flames will be treated as such, constructive criticism will be treated as such and praise will be kept in that special place in my heart~! Sorry no time gotta sleep XD

**Talon out~!**


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